We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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