sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
