Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
