Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
