He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
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I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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