i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
