Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
