And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
