You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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