Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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