I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
