Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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