somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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