Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Shame - the story of my life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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