i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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