I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize