Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
