i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
