Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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