it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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