OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
