i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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