just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
