I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up under a house in Key West
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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