Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
