If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
