I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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