apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
