i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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