Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
