I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
