I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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