why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
