I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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