My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
3pm strippers are depressing
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
