we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
