I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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