I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
