so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
soo... how was my night?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
