conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
