the condom got lost in my hair
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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