I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think I am morally bankrupt
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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