Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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