we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
