just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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