Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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