it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
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