the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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