I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
