And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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