He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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