I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
we're so committed to being not committed
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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