i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
