was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
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four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
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