the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
