I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
