she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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