I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
