It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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