Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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