ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
