I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
