Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
