I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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