yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
accomplished twins. life is a go
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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