Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
