Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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