Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My bed smells like the plague
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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