So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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