so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
