All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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