God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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