Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
