Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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