Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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