I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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