I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
