walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
