Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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