He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
