you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
